You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
