Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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