I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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