bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So vagazzling was a success
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize