I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
