I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
