We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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