I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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