I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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