My friends, they love my intelligence
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize