those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
