There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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