imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
