I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I AM VODKA MAN
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
