Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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