We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
