You're my little dorito
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
