omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
