i already hear my dad disowning me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
