Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
