I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
