Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
