I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
