if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
