I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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