I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
