I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
