Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i think i have two assholes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
