i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
try to milk me bitch
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