Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
