So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
