porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
