he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
