Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
