I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
