The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
