AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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