peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
