i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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