I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
