i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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