i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
