I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
