I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Randomize
