You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
