so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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