i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize