She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
