I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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