how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
