i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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