oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
