I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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