STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
