we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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