I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
