bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
