I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
