I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
