she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
