Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
