I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
