I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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