I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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