the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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