Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's blow job season.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
