i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
