Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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