Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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