She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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