saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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