my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
