Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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