genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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