I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
