I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
