Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
