Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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