I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
did i just pee glitter
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