I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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