I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize